Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize