i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
