I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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