this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
