If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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