He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
