Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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