His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
