i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
