you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
