Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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