You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
