i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
