Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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