i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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