i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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