Pappa wants mamma naked
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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