no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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