There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
