I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
