first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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