oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
