Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
