I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
