it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
