OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
