i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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