did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
