and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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