So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
