Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
