Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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