dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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