..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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