I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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