I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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