I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
