i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
