at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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