oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
