too bad you live with your parents still
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
