Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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