He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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