Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
