just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's just like the Real World with babies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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