is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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