I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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