this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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