But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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