It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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