if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
