o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
