So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
