just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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