Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
