You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
