Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
