I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize