My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
