Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
