took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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