my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
