U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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