Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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