all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
