theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
