He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So much rum. So many feels.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
