It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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