I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Someone signed my nipple.
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