You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize