Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
