you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
