I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
