my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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