There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
