anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
