Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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