Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
