Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
