i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
