We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
