is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
