do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
