I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
