he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
