I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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