we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
